(no subject)
May. 25th, 2006 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radlilimI just need to get all this out. Please, everyone just ignore the bitching. (And I thought I had moved beyond using this for that purpose :sigh: ).
I really don't want to go to X3 anymore. I was doing fine when I left work at 8:00. The relaxation from yoga kept me though the day, even though I looks like I'll have to go back to work after my oil change tomorrow instead of just home like I planned. Usually a ten hour days kicks my ass and I'm crabby, but tonight going to volleyball I was fine.
Then we played. I hate my new team. Why is it as soon as I get a decent team, half of them leave? And no one ever asks me to move onto another team. People don't ask me to sub. I'm really starting to think that I'm not as good as I think I am. I wish I wasn't a boy so I could just cry and feel better.
And it's not that we lost, it's that it wasn't any fun. No one seemed to be trying, so I stopped too. It's the only thing in my life (besides softball) that I look forward to. Why can't it just go well? And I'm not just upset due to volleyball, it is just the last thing I can take.
I can't mow my lawn, it looks like crap. My basement is leaking all over the place and I have no idea how to fix it. I am no where on getting my garage started, not to mention all the other things I NEED to do on my house. I wish I hadn't bought it. I feel like I got a plant or a pet and it's slowly dying.
I hate both jobs. And I'd drop the Hilton if I didn't need the extra money to pay for the house. There were supposed to be perks with working the second job, like cheep hotels in Paris. And I still feel like I'm getting no where at Apex. I see new people applying for jobs and I want to run screaming at them to get far away. I will never be caught up there and I will never be doing anything I want. The few jobs I can find that I'm qualified for keep turning my applications down.
I'm still fat. I lost some weight, but I've stopped loosing any more. And even if I do loose weight, I don't think I'll be happy with myself physically. And even if I were to get happy, do I really want to find someone to spend my life with? I've heard that by the time someone is in their late 20s they are so set in their ways of living alone that the chances of finding someone and staying with them are like zero.
I never see my friends anymore and I really miss them. Sometimes I wonder if they feel the same way. I really don't think that all this work and time and stress is worth it. And I'm starting to question what "it" is. I'm ready to just give up.
Well, enough bitching. It's not like this helps or anything. Guess I should get back into the fucking race.
I really don't want to go to X3 anymore. I was doing fine when I left work at 8:00. The relaxation from yoga kept me though the day, even though I looks like I'll have to go back to work after my oil change tomorrow instead of just home like I planned. Usually a ten hour days kicks my ass and I'm crabby, but tonight going to volleyball I was fine.
Then we played. I hate my new team. Why is it as soon as I get a decent team, half of them leave? And no one ever asks me to move onto another team. People don't ask me to sub. I'm really starting to think that I'm not as good as I think I am. I wish I wasn't a boy so I could just cry and feel better.
And it's not that we lost, it's that it wasn't any fun. No one seemed to be trying, so I stopped too. It's the only thing in my life (besides softball) that I look forward to. Why can't it just go well? And I'm not just upset due to volleyball, it is just the last thing I can take.
I can't mow my lawn, it looks like crap. My basement is leaking all over the place and I have no idea how to fix it. I am no where on getting my garage started, not to mention all the other things I NEED to do on my house. I wish I hadn't bought it. I feel like I got a plant or a pet and it's slowly dying.
I hate both jobs. And I'd drop the Hilton if I didn't need the extra money to pay for the house. There were supposed to be perks with working the second job, like cheep hotels in Paris. And I still feel like I'm getting no where at Apex. I see new people applying for jobs and I want to run screaming at them to get far away. I will never be caught up there and I will never be doing anything I want. The few jobs I can find that I'm qualified for keep turning my applications down.
I'm still fat. I lost some weight, but I've stopped loosing any more. And even if I do loose weight, I don't think I'll be happy with myself physically. And even if I were to get happy, do I really want to find someone to spend my life with? I've heard that by the time someone is in their late 20s they are so set in their ways of living alone that the chances of finding someone and staying with them are like zero.
I never see my friends anymore and I really miss them. Sometimes I wonder if they feel the same way. I really don't think that all this work and time and stress is worth it. And I'm starting to question what "it" is. I'm ready to just give up.
Well, enough bitching. It's not like this helps or anything. Guess I should get back into the fucking race.
